Jon's Blog

I am writing from North Carolina, roughly two weeks out from our primary elections.   I am often asked “who are you voting for?”.  Many people mistakenly believe that as a pastor I can’t answer this question but this is an incorrect presumption. What is NOT allowed is that a church can not endorse or promote any one candidate, but this does not limit me from endorsing a candidate.   With that said I will never in an official capacity endorse any candidate from the pulpit or on official letter head (including email or in this blog).   I already feel that we as a church must be careful that “big brother” is watching and so I do not want to give him any excuse to come poking around.

I have been in a dialogue over the last few weeks with a genuine sister in Christ who is walking through the process of who to vote for in the upcoming election.  She is asking some really good, hard questions.  She has come to a conclusion for herself that is right for her.  She has done so after searching the Scripture and lots of prayer.  Her concern is voting for Mitt Romney, who is a practicing Mormon.  Our beliefs would not not line up with his religious beliefs and more importantly I do not believe that his Mormon beliefs  line up with the sixty books of the Canon that I consider God’s word.  To me, Mormons are not Christians.  So what do true Christians do?  Do we vote for a known Mormon?  Someone whose beliefs are radically different than my own? On the flip side, do we vote for a man who we are not sure what he is. President Obama professes to be a Christian but all of his known religious associations are again not in line with what God’s Holy Word says a Christian is to be or to live like.  So who do we vote for?  Tough decision.

At the end of the day I believe that every Christian will need to do some serious praying to seek God in all of this!  This is not an easy decision.   Our options are not great from either side.   We have two men, who are from merely a religious perspective, radically different than Biblical Christianity.  So how do we know who to vote for? Listed below are some general guidelines to help you choose whom you are to vote for.  By the way I won’t tell you who should vote for!

1. Look to God’s Word on guidelines for voting.  As far as I know, nowhere does God’s Word say, “here are voting guidelines for someone in political office”.    I do not know of any specific guidelines given to us.   I know that when we look at how the Israel chose there first king, Saul, they picked him because he was tall and handsome (I Samuel 9:2-3).  Actually God through His prophet Samuel tried to talk the Israelites out of their desire for a king but they would not listen.  God has also given us lists of good Kings over Israel and bad Kings over Israel.   Study this sometime it is quite interesting.  As far as I know the only real command in the New Testament that God gives us in regards to politics is found in Mark 12:17, it says, And Jesus said to them, “Render to Caesar the things that are Caesar’s, and to God the things that are God’s.” And they were amazed at Him.”  By the way the meaning of this passage in debated but for sake of this discussion I am using it.  There are also other passages that tell us to submit to the human authority that God placed in our lives.  With all of this said the Bible, from my recollection, is relatively limited on what it says specifically about politics.
2. Money should not be our purpose in voting for a candidate.  Many Christians look at what this candidate is going to do for them, for the economy.  The government is NOT to be the provider of our resources but hard work is.  Too many Christians make money their top issue and I believe Biblically that this is wrong!
3. I believe that for the Christian that moral issues should be the driving factor in who one should vote for. I believe we need to be looking at these issues: where does this candidate stand on abortion, marriage, separation of church and state, parenting issues, family issues, etc…  I believe these should be our core foundational concerns as we go to the voting polls.
4. I also believe that as Christians we need to support a candidate that truly believes in Constitution of the United States of America.  I believe in limited (federal) government and that as the government is limited our protections as Christians should and will be protected to practice our religion as we see fit. I do not believe that the government should have any law against or for any particular religion. I believe wholeheartedly in freedom of religion and the includes the freedom to have no religion at all, to believe in no god at all, and to believe 100% differently than I believe.

This election will prove to be interesting. As Christians we need to look at our current leadership (president, congress, etc…) and ask, “where do they stand on abortion?”, “what is their view on marriage?”, “what is their view on the family?”,  “what is their view on parental rights?”, and other similar questions.  As a Christian, if you are completely honest, you will find that this current administration and Congress is not for the same things we are Biblically.  I am not sure that our other choices are much better.  We need to practice II Chronicles 7:14.  We need to be praying for our country.  We need to be praying for our political leaders.

Have a blessed week!

I am going to address this issue after 15 plus years of ministry.  I want to be completely transparent about this issue so some background on why I am writing this issue may be needed in this blog.    I have two “accusations” against me. ( The word accusation may be a harsh word but I use the word accusation because I can’t come up with any other word).   The first accusation is that I do not think that education is important and in particular that girls (woman) should not get education. The second accusation is that I expect everyone to go to college.   It is a double edged sword.  Apparently some of my comments have caused some to question where I stand. I do not like to cause confusion for people so I want to try hard to set the record straight.   I will spell out what I believe in a list. (It may not be a complete list but I hope to start a discussion).

When I speak of an education I am speaking of the formal as well as the informal sense of the word.  The formal sense is going to High School, college, graduate level, pursuing a trade school diploma.  The informal sense is the study and reading of various books, articles, blogs, Scripture, etc…

1. Formal Education is NOT necessary for salvation. Salvation is by faith only. See Ephesians 2:8; I Corinthians 1:18-31.
2. Formal Education is NOT necessary for a healthy, spiritual marriage.  See Ephesians 5:22-31.
3. Formal Education is NOT necessary for one to be righteous.  Righteousness (Spiritual maturity) comes from walking in the Spirit. See Galatians 5:16-26.
4. Formal Education is NOT necessary to raise Godly, spiritually healthy children.  See Ephesians 6:1-4; Deuteronomy 6:5-25.
5. Education (formal and informal) is beneficial to grow in your salvation.  One can study the word of God on their own and the Holy Spirit is the one who reveals the meaning and application of any particular passage of Scripture.  But one must educate oneself by studying the word of God on their own.   Informally you study the word of God as you read, study, cross reference passages, define words, trace themes, etc..  You can’t just read the Bible and expect to grow.
   I am taking a class on hermeneutics as I write this post and it has been very beneficial for me to better understand the word of God and apply it to my life and the life of the congregation I am leading. It is very beneficial for me to take classes on the word of God and to learn the Bible in better ways.  I highly advise everyone and anyone to take a class or two on how to study the word of God.
6. Education is beneficial for a healthy marriage.  I believe that in order for marriages to become all that God intends for them to become then the husband and wife needs to study the word of God (informal education).  Many marriages are messed up because people simply do not know what God’s word says about marriage!  I also believe in a attending seminars and marriage conferences to help strengthen marriages.  There are also some good formal educational classes dealing with marriage.
7. Education is beneficial (if not essential) to have financial security. I know I will get blasted on this one and I am fine with that.  I indeed believe in trusting God for all my needs but God also gives me common sense to help myself in order to get ahead.  I believe the reason we have so much “poverty” and financial struggles in our lives is because we do not pursue a higher level of education.  2012 is not like it was in 1950 or even the 1990′s.  In the 1950′s and even to some extent up to the 1990′s if one had a high school diploma you could do fairly well.  This is no longer the case (OVERALL).   I have a friend who is a recruiter for the Coast Guard and he has told me that they are turning down people with High School diploma’s because they have enough people applying who have college degrees.
8. Education (formal) gives you  sense of accomplishment.   Many people think they graduate school and they are done learning.   But this should not be the case.  We should be constantly be learning and growing and pursuing wisdom and knowledge.  I am tired from all the hard work for my classes but when I completed the last two classes and received my grades I was proud.   I look at my Diploma from my Bachelors degree and I am extremely proud of it. I know how hard I had to work and what I had to sacrifice in order to receive my diploma/degree.

I will stop for now.  For the record let me say this, I believe parents, we need to strongly encourage our kids (young and old) to pursue some sort of formal education.  It helps to prepare them for life and helps to make them well rounded.   I realize that not every person is meant to be full time college bound but I believe pursuing a degree slowly and methodically will be beneficial in one’s life.  It took me nearly ten years to get my undergraduate degree. It will have taken me nearly five years to get my Master of Divinity Degree.  Tammie did her undergraduate degree in three and half years and maybe one day she will go back to get her Masters degree.  I believe we need more men and women to head to college, especially Bible College to pursue degrees.  I believe young ladies need to pursue a degree too.  I have heard young ladies over the years say, “Well I will just get married and let my man take care of me.”  That is fine and dandy but what happens if your man dies?  What happens if your man leaves you? What happens if your man get’s in an accident and can’t work any longer?  Then who is going to take care of you?  I know it seems harsh but young ladies and young men get a college education! We are never too old to learn! I trust this set’s the record straight.
Have a great week.

Pastor Jon

Galatians 6:9 and 10 says, “Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.  So, then, while we have opportunity, let us do good to all people, and especially to those who are of the household of faith.”

I have heard it said and have said it myself that some of the meanest people in the world are “Christians”.   There are times in my life when I really do not want to continue to do good to others.  There are times when I get sick and tired of doing good to other believers because they do not deserve it my eyes.  But I am so glad that it is not up to me about who deserves what. I am so glad that God chose to do good to me and for me even when I did not and do not deserve it.

Galatians says that I am not loose heart in doing good.   We have become so self centered in our lives that so often times we loose heart in continuing to do good to others around us.  Doing good starts with a hearts desire to be obedient to the Lord.   When we do good we are pleasing God.  When we do good to others we are honoring the Lord.   If we look at II Corinthians 4:1 Paul gives us the reason that we do not loose heart and that is because of the mercy which God shows us. As we receive mercy from the Lord we in turn display that same mercy to others, who just like us do not deserve it!

But when are we to do good to others?  Paul says whenever we have the opportunity.  I am growing concerned that we think we are only to have these times of doing good when we are inside the four walls of the church building.  You know on Sunday mornings during worship or Wednesday nights during Life Groups.  I believe that we need to be doing good OUTSIDE our four walls; outside of our normal meeting times.  Our fellowship, our doing good should be done as we develop relationships outside of the Church schedule.

When was the last time you opened up your home to another family that you NORMALLY do not hang out with?  When was the last time you asked someone who was not your close friend what you could do to show them you cared?  When was the last time when you asked your neighbor what you could do to serve them?  I believe that I Peter 4:7-19 teaches us how to do good to others, especially other believers.  Peter speaks of loving, being hospitable, serving, etc…

I have heard many Christians say that we should put all our focus and attention on doing good to the lost but here in Galatians we are told to take extra care to do good to those who are of the faith.  Our obligation to do good starts with other believers.  This is called encouragement or edification of the body.  Please do not hear me saying that we are not to minister to the lost because the Bible clearly teaches that we are.  We must maintain a proper balance of doing good between the lost and other Christians. I believe that the Bible clearly teaches that we must do good to those who are of the household of faith first and foremost.

So how can you do good to others? I do not want to give you a list so that you an check it off.  But I encourage you to do several things to do good to others. First, pray and ask the Holy Spirit to show you unique and different ways in which you can do good to others.  Secondly, think outside the box.  DO NOT focus on those believers who are close to you already, those whom you know very well and hang out regularly.  Look for another believer you do not really know and look for ways you can do good to them.  Thirdly,  consider opening up your home to another family that you do not really know – do good to them.  We have a family in our church that tries very hard to invite a family whom they do not know very well to their home. The try to do this every month.  I Peter tells us to be hospitable (which means to open up your home) but we have become too guarded about whom we will let into our homes and into our lives.  Maybe in the next 30 days you would pray about inviting a family in our church that you do not know very well to break bread in your home.

Do not grow weary in doing good for in due time you will reap!

Sometimes we think of Jesus as so much God, which He is, that we forget His humanity.  Sometimes we think of Jesus as so perfect, which He is, that we forget His humanity.  Sometimes in our thinking we cause a distance between us and Jesus because we think that Jesus simply can not understand where we are and what we are going through, BUT He can!

Here are some Sinless Human Infirmities that Jesus Experienced:

1. He Hungered – Matthew 4:2
2. He slept – Matthew 8:42
3. He got angry – Mark 3:5
4. He groaned – John 11:33
5. He was thirsty – John 19:28
6. He loved – Mark 10:21
7. He suffered and died – Luke 22:44 and John 19:30-34

Next time you are going through a struggle, remember that Jesus does understand.  He was both God and man. In his humanity he experienced all the human temptations and struggles but NEVER sinned.  That Jesus loves you and is there for you.  Whatever it is in your life that is trying to keep you from serving Him, turn from that and turn to Jesus. Have HOPE in Him!

Have a great day.

Book For The Month of March:  NOT A FAN  by Kyle Idleman

Last week I blogged about how or what I pray for in regards to the Church.  I do this daily, most days taking the time to pray through and pray for each family.   I also pray for the leadership of the church.  I pray for us to be bold, clear and concise in our leading (Ephesians 6:18-20). Today I want to talk about “me” for a moment. I know I do this a lot but my blogs are more of a journey of many of the struggles I have and what God is teaching me as I grow.

This past Sunday we (AHBC) had nearly 160 in attendance in Church.  Many people would evaluate this as good and that may be so.   I realize that it is not how many people who come to church on Sunday mornings that matters but how many people really live their lives as a follower of Jesus Christ once they leave this building.  This is what really counts.

There are many weeks throughout the year that I struggle with the notion that I need to attract the crowds with a great sermon. Over the years I have been in seminars, conferences or meetings where one guy or another  share how to make your sermon or your service better so that more people are attracted to come.  Many of these ideas are not un-biblical or wrong, they are simply things to help make us better.  Other ideas are, to me, a hindrance to the service and glorifying God. I have actually had people tell me that I should not preach more than 25 to 30 minutes. Obviously I disagree with this one! My thought is this, if people can sit through a two hour movie or an hour television show why in the world can’t they sit there and listen to the word of God for more than 25 to 30 minutes?  I have been told/taught that I must use video in every service.  I have been told that I must preach topically and not expository (teaching through the Bible).  There are a host of other things that come to mind of what I have been taught over the years.

One thing though that I struggle with on a regular basis is the notion that I must make the Gospel new, fresh, exciting.  I must in a way recreate the Gospel, the word of God.  There are times throughout the week as I am preparing the sermon, that the enemy says, “if you say that, it will not be well received so you should not say it”.  So I must stop and pray again to ensure that the Holy Spirit is leading me in what to say.  Then Mondays hit and the doubts creep in.  If you don’t know, Mondays are the worst day for a preacher.  The discouragement, the doubt, the fears, the failures – all hit on Monday mornings.  Depression often times sets in because the enemy starts telling me, “You should have said this”, “you shouldn’t have said this”, “your such a failure”, “people are going to leave over that sermon” or “you really messed that one up”.  The temptation is constantly there to cheapen the Gospel message – the message that God lays on my heart.

Every Easter and Christmas the struggle to prepare a “fresh”, “new”, “exciting” sermon is there.  If I do not prepare the right sermon then these people won’t like me. If I don’t prepare the right sermon these people won’t come back.  If I make the sermon too deep then these people won’t understand.   All these thoughts run through my mind and the battle with in is great.  Even after this Sunday when we have had the largest crowd we have ever had (except maybe our dedication service) the temptation to cheapen the message was running through my mind.

I can’t cheapen the Gospel message.  I wish I could say that the temptation was never there to preach a message that was watered down but I just can’t do it.  I realize that I say so much. I preach for an hour for goodness sake.   It has been conveyed to me again these last two weeks how much weight my words have with people.  I know that the messages I preach are difficult to many because they are difficult to me first.  But the word of God is supposed to be bring light to peoples lives (Psalm 119:105).  That is, it is to reveal the darkness in our lives.  The Word of God is a sword in our lives (Hebrews 4:11-13).  It cuts, it pierces, it divides, it judges.   The Word of God can’t be adapted to one’s view of right and wrong but one’s view of right and wrong must come from the Word of God.  I can’t cheapen the Gospel message by making it a feel good message.  I also realize that I can’t always be preaching “hell, fire and brimstone” which is my tendency, but I need to preach the grace of God to those who need it. I try hard to be led by the Spirit in preparing and studying to preach on Sunday mornings.   I wish I could say I ALWAYS walk in the Spirit but I can’t.

It is tough preaching the word of God! Just as Paul asked the Ephesian church in 6:18-20 to, “With all prayer and petition pray at all times in the Spirit, and with this view in mind, be on the alert with all perseverance and petition for all the saints, and pray on my behalf, that the utterance may be given to me in the opening of my mouth, to make known with boldness the mystery of the gospel, for which I am an ambassador in chains; that in proclaiming it I may speak boldly, as I ought to speak.”, So I ask you. Please pray that I would proclaim the Gospel message with boldness.

Have a great week!

Book For March 2012:  NOT A FAN: Becoming A Completely Committed Follower of Jesus by Kyle Idleman.  I have not read this book but I did purchase it yesterday from Lifeway for $5.00 for a paper back. I have heard MANY great things about this book.  I encourage you to by it and read it with me over the next month!

This list is what I pray through for our church every day.  Will you join me in praying through these things everyday in order to see what God will do through us?

1. For a powerful move of God’s Spirit to bring deep conviction, repentance of sin
2. A mighty release of God’s power through the work of His Spirit
   
3. Pray for a powerful anointing and direction upon your pastor, elders, all teachers, and all leaders (name them)
4. Pray for a deep love among members
5. Pray that strife and disunity will be subdued
6. Pray that Satan be completely bound from all the members/attendees and activities of the church.
7. For a strong wall of protection to surround the church and its members.
8. That the church will clearly receive God’s direction in all decisions
   
9. That the church clearly discerns God’s vision for our particular congregation
10. For a spirit of zeal in all ministries and initiatives
11. Blessing and abundance of resources to do God’s work.
12. For a powerful spirit of worship, prayer, and holiness to permeate the church.
13. For a Servants heart to permeate our church so we serve even when not asked. – Galatians 5:13
    
14. For the harvest – Matthew 9:37-38
15. For more workers to get the harvest- Matthew 9:38
16. “And it is my prayer that your love abound more and more – Philippians 1:9
17. “And may the Lord make you increase and abound in lover for one another and for all.: I Thessalonians 3:12
18. “I pray that you may have strength to comprehend with all the saints what is its breadth and length and height and depth and to know the lover of Christ that surpasses knowledge” Eph. 3:18-19
19. Members/Attendees

Will you join in me praying for the church – GOD’S Church?  We need God to move. I pray that we don’t get comfortable with the routine but that there is an expectation of God to move in and through us and that we are TOTALLY obedient to Him and Him alone.  Man has an opinion about everything but at the end of the day what God’s opinion is what really matters. 

[This list was adapted somewhat But:  "Used By Permission from “: How to Develop a Powerful Prayer Life: The Biblical Path to Holiness and Relationship with God” By Dr. Greg Frizell, 1999, Bethany Press International”]

Read Me

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Matthew 6:33

In the early days of software development, PC-oriented software packages would normally come with a text document titled “READ ME.” This was a document that explained anything the installer needed to know about installation, late changes to the software that didn’t make it into the manual, system requirements, or possible incompatibility issues. In other words, READ ME first–before installing the software–in order to avoid problems.

God’s READ ME file is in Matthew 6:33: “Seek first the kingdom of God.” All who aspire to enter and dwell in the kingdom of God need to know this: If you will put God and His kingdom first in your life’s priorities, everything else necessary in life will be added to you. The inverse can be assumed to be true: Seek your own glory and authority in this life and you will find God’s blessings absent.

If you want to avoid worries with your software, read the READ ME file first. If you want to avoid worries in your life, seek God’s kingdom first and above all else. If you find yourself worrying about anything today, you’ll know something has taken the place of the kingdom of God.

Worry is an indication that we think God cannot look after us.
Oswald Chambers

I received the above daily devotional from Dr. David Jeremiah this morning.  I do not take credit it for it and have directly taken every word from his devotional.  It really got me thinking!

How many times have I found myself discouraged and down because I started to worry.  There are many places in God’s Holy Word that command me not to worry.  Yet I worry about all sorts of things.  I worry about stuff that really doesn’t matter in scope of eternity.  I find these things taking much of my time when I worry.  These things really don’t matter.  They can be big or small.  They can be real or even perceived.   They can be about things I can see and then again then don’t have to be. I worry about what we are having for dinner. I worry about having enough money.  I worry about how long my car will last. I worry about the bills.  I worry about my kids (this can be eternal!). I worry about my wife (this can be eternal!).  I worry about people liking me.  I worry about who will be elected (on both sides of the isle!).  I worry about all sorts of things.

But what about those eternal things?  There are times when I “worry” about my neighbors being saved.   Ultimately someone’s salvation is not my responsibility, it is God’s.  God saves people NOT me!  Yet my worry does not share the Gospel message with them. There are times when I “worry” will I hear “well done My good and faithful servant” and yet I am not being a servant.  How can I be a good servant and worry about such when I am not one at all.    See worry, no matter what kind or why ultimately says to God, “You are a liar and are not capable of taking care of my needs or fulfilling your promises”! There are other perceived eternal things that I can worry about as well.

Is your life riddled with worry? Are you constantly trapped in the pit of worry? We need to seek God’s kingdom first.  We need to look at the eternal things and know that God is ultimately in control, even though the world around us seems to tell us differently.   We need to obey the things we know God has commanded us to do.  We need to look at every aspect of our life and see if I really trust God with it or not.  Seeking God’s kingdom is done by walking in the Spirit on a daily basis. Galatians 5:22 and following serves as a great reminder.

If you worry you don’t trust God! Start trusting God today. It is a great day for it.

In my last blog post two weeks ago I guess I came across pretty harsh which was not my intention at all.  I was not speaking at anyone in particular or any situation.  It just has become apparent over the years that the church is place that many people turn to for their weddings, funerals, and material help; even when they do not go to church nor would they.  After my post I got several comments (which apparently could not be posted as comments on this blog- Sorry!) in regards to my blog.

I have come to realize that in regards to people who would not darken the doors of a church at any time other than a wedding,  a funeral or seeking financial help that it is our responsibility as a church to minister to them.  These times when people come to us and need help are precisely the times when we can give the gospel message to them.  This is what I try to do when people come to me who are not saved and yet want to get married in the church.  Over the years I have taken each individual couple and looked at them independetly, after MUCH prayer and contemplation.  It is still tough to swallow some days why people who do not like church, want to be a part of church, have no place for a church at any time want to be married in a church. It does not make their marriage more special!

I guess I have seen a decrease in the idea that marriage is sacred.  Every wedding that I perform I use the phrase, “marriage is a holy estate, a holy union”.  Have we lost the real meaning of what marriage is to be all about?  I am afraid that we have lost that the fact that God’s holy word teaches us that marriage is meant to make us HOLY not necessarily HAPPY!  I have so many people speak of feelings when it comes to their marriages.  I have sat across the table from many of people who have said, “I no longer feel in love” or “I just don’t have feelings for my spouse.” Marriage is not about feelings alone but more about a choice.  Marriage is no longer sacred.

Marriage has lost its meaning.   It is to be about making us more like Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:22 and following speak that marriage is to be a direct reflection of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His bride, the Church.  As a husband I am to treat my wife like Jesus treats His Bride, the Church.  The two words that come to mind as to what a husband are to be are, love and sacrifice. Oh that every husband would love his wife like Christ loves the church.  Oh that every husband would sacrifice for his wife like Christ sacrificed for His church.  The two words that come to mind for the wife are, honor and respect.  Oh that the wife would honor and respect the husband like the church is to honor and respect Jesus Christ.  To many times I see a wife belittle, tear down and humiliate her husband.

Marriages fall apart for many reasons.  Overall marriages fall apart because marriage is no longer sacred.  The covenant that you enter into, “Until death do us part”, is now optional.  Not permanent, but temporary.  Not holy but selfish.  Sacred?  Not any more.  The reason why so many couples want their wedding in a church is because they somehow think that a building makes the marriage better. Not so. What makes a marriage better is making Jesus Christ the center of it all.  Every good, lasting marriage I know of has had its ups and downs.  Every good, lasting marriage I know of has had times of great blessings and times of great sorrows.  Every good, lasting marriage has kept the perspective of value of marriage, the sacredness of it.  I realize there are marriages that last where the couple is not saved but still their perspective is still the same – there is something special, something long lasting about marriage. It is not temporary but is a lifetime commitment.

Christians, your marriage should reflect Jesus Christ to a lost and dying world.  Is your marriage holy? Is your marriage sacred?  Does your marriage reflect what Scripture says it is to reflect?  If not, it is not too late.  Let us teach our kids what a Godly marriage is all about?

Need some help about your marriage?  Here is a book that I read many years ago that I highly recommend, it is called Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage To Make Us Holy More Than Happy? by Gary L. Thomas. It is an excellent book. Parents I recommend you read it together and then work through it with your older teens and young adults, especially when they are getting ready to get married. We need to do everything we can to help our kids marriages survive. All good things take work!

Have a great week!

I must admit that I really struggle with certain issues in ministry.  There are issues that the Bible directly and specifically speaks on but then there are those that the Bible does not speak on.   One of these issues is marriage.  I KNOW that marriage was ordained by God; therefore it is Sacred (Genesis 2). I KNOW that marriage is meant to be for a lifetime (I Corinthians 7; Matthew 5:27-32).  I KNOW that marriage is to be between a man and a woman (Genesis 2).  I know that marriage between a man and woman is to be a direct reflection of a Christians relationship with Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:22 and following). The Bible speaks to the idea that marriage between a Christian and non-Christian should not occur (II Corinthians 6:14-18).  By the way this verse is NOT speaking about marriage specifically but is speaking about the churches relationships overall.

But the Bible does not speak on how to do a wedding.  It does not give us a step by step process of what should be included in a wedding or what should not; it is left up to the “state” or government.  The Bible does not say when to do weddings or not to do weddings.  The Bible does not tell me if I should do a wedding when the couple is living together or should I not conduct it?  The Bible does not tell me if I should do a wedding if there is a baby involved or not.  The Bible does not tell me what responsibility I hold as a pastor for performing marriage ceremonies. The Bible does not tell me if I am really ministering (being a witness, being a help, etc…) to non-believers if I perform a wedding. The Bible does not tell me to conduct a wedding if the parents do not agree with the marriage.

So there are many things about a wedding that are left open to personal conviction.   I find that the older I get and the closer we get to the end times that my personal convictions are becoming less and less appreciated and respected by people, even Christians.   People get VERY angry when I take a stand on not doing a wedding between a believer and an nonbeliever.  People get VERY angry when I take a stand on not doing a wedding between two people who are living together.   To be honest I really struggle with this issue.  People get VERY angry when I expect to do a minimum of 6 hours of counseling before I agree to do a wedding.  People get ANGRY when I expect them to fill out a questionnaire and read a book about marriage.  People get ANGRY when I hold to a specific standard.

But what I do know is that I really wonder why people who do NOT darken the doors of church 363 days of the year are desperate to have their wedding done in a church?  Why is the church needed for a wedding but no other time?  Why is it that the bride must wear white on her wedding day when she has been living with a man for a time?  Why is it so important for a wedding to be performed by a pastor when the pastor is not good enough at any other time? Why is it that a bride and groom so desire to have the church’s stamp of approval when they wed but the church is not good enough to be involved in at any other time?  Why is it that the bride and groom believe in God right around their wedding but God is not important enough to serve at other times? Even demons believe in God and tremble!

I have had godly men tell me to do any wedding as long as the couple is willing to go through counseling.  I have had godly men tell me not to do weddings of couples who are living together. I have had godly men tell me not to do weddings between a believer and a nonbeliever.  I have had godly men tell me to do weddings of couples who are not involved in the church and then again I have had godly men tell me not to.  I have been told that weddings are opportunities for ministry and then I have been told they are not!

I am really struggling with this issue and have been for most of my years in ministry.  I wish there were black and white answers in Scripture to these questions but I do not see them.  I do know this, that what most people think of the church is really only a building.  The Church is those who are true believers in Jesus Christ and have a growing relationship with Him.  The church is not a building but is people.

I write this blog to get others perspective. Ultimately I pray for God to give me the conviction on these questions and reconfirm the convictions I already have.  If you have thoughts on this pass them onto me so I can pray in an more effective manner.

Over the last two blogs I have directed most of my comments toward mothers and the young ladies.   However, I believe that the greater responsibility lies somewhere else besides solely at the feet of the females around us!  I believe that the men and boys of our society need to endure a greater responsibility of where we are than the young girls.   We have been directed to the norm being immodesty because for so long men and young boys have demanded such. I have three young boys so I have a great knowledge about this subject from this point of view.  I would to a certain extent say I am an authority on this side of the issue!

We live in time where men and young boys expect women and young girls to dress immodestly.  It is almost like we “the male persuasion” has forced the female persuasion to dress immodestly.  I know this is an over simplification of the issue but the male gender has expected in many ways for females to become more and more provocative in their dress and their actions.  No longer do men who have sons stand up and teach them how to be men.  No longer is it the norm for “dads” to be “fathers” in order to really invest in their sons lives to teach them what it means to be a productive member of society, let alone a man who has a heart for God!  In way too many instances fathers/dads have settled to allow someone else to teach their young boys how to become men.  The result is far too often soft, lazy, horny boys who grow up to be the same in “manhood”.

I try not to put lists out but I believe there are several things that we need to be teaching our young boys about modesty.  Some of these are straight out of the Bible and some are just things I have learned in life:

1. Teach Them To Love God and Serve Him Only – Matthew 22:37-38.  I believe that if we would teach our boys at an early age how to really love the Lord with all of their heart then the rest of these things would fall into place pretty easily.  I believe teaching them to love God goes deeper than just teaching them the word of God (See #3) and it starts with fathers!  Look for teachable moments in your kids lives.
2. Teach Them To Love Others – Matthew 22:39-40.  We need to be teaching our boys that how we treat others, especially girls/young ladies, shows our love for them.  This is NOT a physical, sexual love but is a brotherly/sisterly love.  If I love my “sister” (as a sister in Christ) then I will not gawk at her when and if she dresses immodestly.  I believe there are many great reasons that girls should dress modestly but one of the main reasons is because it can cause their brothers to stumble.  However, just because a girl dresses immodestly does not give me (boys) the right to stumble!  As fathers we need to teach our young men not to take the second look but to turn away and run(See #4)!  This is love!
3. Teach Them The Commands of The Lord! Scripture is very clear that as fathers it is our responsibility  to teach our boys (children) the commands of the Lord. (See Deuteronomy 6:1-12).  Often times we leave the responsibility of teaching our kids the commands of the Lord to our wives.  However, this is not biblical; it is the man’s responsibility to teach.   I know it is difficult to do this but all great things are difficult to start!

4. Teach Them Not To Lust!  The Bible says in Matthew 5:27, “but I say to you whoever looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  I remember growing up and my father teaching proper reactions and actions toward the female gender.  It started not through his words but through his actions toward my mother.  My father has never been much of a talker – a teacher through words. I believe we have done more talking in the last ten to fifteen years than we did the first 20 to 25 years of my life. While my father was not a huge conversationalist he has taught me a lot through his actions.  I NEVER ever remember a time where my dad acted or spoke inappropriately toward to my mom or another woman.  I remember times when we went to the beach or to a swimming pool when there was a woman in a bikini (a modest one by today’s standard) and my dad would become embarrassed and move us away from the situation.   Today though dads no longer teach their children (boys or girls) that “lust” is a sin.  Unfortunately as fathers we often teach our boys/young men that lust is just a natural reaction and that it is fine to do. BUT the Bible, God’s standard says differently.
5. Teach Them That Girls Are To Be Treated Delicate Butterflies (Like Ladies)! Before I continue on let me say this, I AM NOT A PERFECT TEACHER IN THIS WITH MY BOYS – I HAVE FAILED MANY TIMES TO TAKE THE TEACHABLE OPPORTUNITIES WITH MY BOYS!  However, ask my boys what my motto is in regards to girls. They would say, “Girls are delicate butterflies”.   I have tried hard to teach my boys from birth that we need to treat girls with respect, love and gentleness.  I have tried hard to teach them that girls are not some piece of meat to be lusted after (See #4) but that girls are to be treated with the highest regard and dignity. Have my boys always acted appropriately toward girls? NO! Have they always been the most gentle or kind toward the young ladies around them? NOPE!  But they are still learning and I am still teaching.  Fathers and mothers do not forget to teach your daughters that they are indeed to have a feminine side to them. I am not one who believes that girls should be stuck inside doing only “girl” things, but I am one who believes that girls need to act like girls.  In speaking about hair, the Bible tells us that there needs to be a distinction between men and women. I believe that overall girls need to act like and look like girls and boys need to act like and look like boys.
6. Teach Them What A Godly Woman Looks Like!  Fathers I believe that we need to stop teaching our kids that looks are what makes a woman a good one to go after.  I have often heard a dad of a teen boy speak to and of their teen boys and the father has said that they encourage their son to pursue a girl because she is attractive or because they get along.  I do not want my boys to pursue a girl because she is pretty only but because she is a girl who loves God!  I thank God that I am able to daily point my boys to my wife as an example of what a Godly woman looks like.  I pray every day for my boys.  I have several standard elements that I pray for my boys.  One of these is that they would marry a woman who loves God, wants to serve God all the days of her life, and that she loves my son.  I am not saying that you should not be attracted to your spouse but physical beauty should not be the primary reason you marry someone!
7. Teach Them What It Means To Be A Man!  Manhood is no longer a cherished goal for our boys.  One of the worst outcomes of the push for equal rights between men and women is that men have been reduced to a bunch of wimpy, stupid, lazy people.  Just look at many of our television shows (Everybody Love’s Ray!).  No longer do we teach our boys how to be warriors but we teach our boys how to play video games, watch movies, etc…  There is nothing wrong with each of these things in and of themselves.   But a warrior is not what we teach our boys to be.  No longer do we teach them responsibility, how to work, or how to pursue the best for their lives.  We no longer expect our kids to have chores or to help around the house.  Fathers we allow them to be lazy.  I have met MANY young people who expect things to be handed to them and they no longer have to work for it. Our boys dress like hoodlums, walking around with their baseball caps turned to the side, pants down to their knees, underwear showing, etc…  This is not manhood but is gangster-hood.  Fathers let us teach our boys what it means to be men.

There is much more I could write on this subject but I have already gone long. My point in these last three blogs is that modesty is must for females and males alike.  Girls should dress modest and guys should expect girls to dress modestly – do not expect or encourage immodesty by your actions.  May the church not look like, act like, talk like the world around us.  Might the church be different!

Be a living sacrifice for God!  Have a wonderful week.