Marriage Is No Longer Sacred!

In my last blog post two weeks ago I guess I came across pretty harsh which was not my intention at all.  I was not speaking at anyone in particular or any situation.  It just has become apparent over the years that the church is place that many people turn to for their weddings, funerals, and material help; even when they do not go to church nor would they.  After my post I got several comments (which apparently could not be posted as comments on this blog- Sorry!) in regards to my blog.

I have come to realize that in regards to people who would not darken the doors of a church at any time other than a wedding,  a funeral or seeking financial help that it is our responsibility as a church to minister to them.  These times when people come to us and need help are precisely the times when we can give the gospel message to them.  This is what I try to do when people come to me who are not saved and yet want to get married in the church.  Over the years I have taken each individual couple and looked at them independetly, after MUCH prayer and contemplation.  It is still tough to swallow some days why people who do not like church, want to be a part of church, have no place for a church at any time want to be married in a church. It does not make their marriage more special!

I guess I have seen a decrease in the idea that marriage is sacred.  Every wedding that I perform I use the phrase, “marriage is a holy estate, a holy union”.  Have we lost the real meaning of what marriage is to be all about?  I am afraid that we have lost that the fact that God’s holy word teaches us that marriage is meant to make us HOLY not necessarily HAPPY!  I have so many people speak of feelings when it comes to their marriages.  I have sat across the table from many of people who have said, “I no longer feel in love” or “I just don’t have feelings for my spouse.” Marriage is not about feelings alone but more about a choice.  Marriage is no longer sacred.

Marriage has lost its meaning.   It is to be about making us more like Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:22 and following speak that marriage is to be a direct reflection of the relationship between Jesus Christ and His bride, the Church.  As a husband I am to treat my wife like Jesus treats His Bride, the Church.  The two words that come to mind as to what a husband are to be are, love and sacrifice. Oh that every husband would love his wife like Christ loves the church.  Oh that every husband would sacrifice for his wife like Christ sacrificed for His church.  The two words that come to mind for the wife are, honor and respect.  Oh that the wife would honor and respect the husband like the church is to honor and respect Jesus Christ.  To many times I see a wife belittle, tear down and humiliate her husband.

Marriages fall apart for many reasons.  Overall marriages fall apart because marriage is no longer sacred.  The covenant that you enter into, “Until death do us part”, is now optional.  Not permanent, but temporary.  Not holy but selfish.  Sacred?  Not any more.  The reason why so many couples want their wedding in a church is because they somehow think that a building makes the marriage better. Not so. What makes a marriage better is making Jesus Christ the center of it all.  Every good, lasting marriage I know of has had its ups and downs.  Every good, lasting marriage I know of has had times of great blessings and times of great sorrows.  Every good, lasting marriage has kept the perspective of value of marriage, the sacredness of it.  I realize there are marriages that last where the couple is not saved but still their perspective is still the same – there is something special, something long lasting about marriage. It is not temporary but is a lifetime commitment.

Christians, your marriage should reflect Jesus Christ to a lost and dying world.  Is your marriage holy? Is your marriage sacred?  Does your marriage reflect what Scripture says it is to reflect?  If not, it is not too late.  Let us teach our kids what a Godly marriage is all about?

Need some help about your marriage?  Here is a book that I read many years ago that I highly recommend, it is called Sacred Marriage: What If God Designed Marriage To Make Us Holy More Than Happy? by Gary L. Thomas. It is an excellent book. Parents I recommend you read it together and then work through it with your older teens and young adults, especially when they are getting ready to get married. We need to do everything we can to help our kids marriages survive. All good things take work!

 

Have a great week!

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Why Is The Church Needed For A Wedding But No Other Time?

I must admit that I really struggle with certain issues in ministry.  There are issues that the Bible directly and specifically speaks on but then there are those that the Bible does not speak on.   One of these issues is marriage.  I KNOW that marriage was ordained by God; therefore it is Sacred (Genesis 2). I KNOW that marriage is meant to be for a lifetime (I Corinthians 7; Matthew 5:27-32).  I KNOW that marriage is to be between a man and a woman (Genesis 2).  I know that marriage between a man and woman is to be a direct reflection of a Christians relationship with Jesus Christ (Ephesians 5:22 and following). The Bible speaks to the idea that marriage between a Christian and non-Christian should not occur (II Corinthians 6:14-18).  By the way this verse is NOT speaking about marriage specifically but is speaking about the churches relationships overall.

But the Bible does not speak on how to do a wedding.  It does not give us a step by step process of what should be included in a wedding or what should not; it is left up to the “state” or government.  The Bible does not say when to do weddings or not to do weddings.  The Bible does not tell me if I should do a wedding when the couple is living together or should I not conduct it?  The Bible does not tell me if I should do a wedding if there is a baby involved or not.  The Bible does not tell me what responsibility I hold as a pastor for performing marriage ceremonies. The Bible does not tell me if I am really ministering (being a witness, being a help, etc…) to non-believers if I perform a wedding. The Bible does not tell me to conduct a wedding if the parents do not agree with the marriage.

So there are many things about a wedding that are left open to personal conviction.   I find that the older I get and the closer we get to the end times that my personal convictions are becoming less and less appreciated and respected by people, even Christians.   People get VERY angry when I take a stand on not doing a wedding between a believer and an nonbeliever.  People get VERY angry when I take a stand on not doing a wedding between two people who are living together.   To be honest I really struggle with this issue.  People get VERY angry when I expect to do a minimum of 6 hours of counseling before I agree to do a wedding.  People get ANGRY when I expect them to fill out a questionnaire and read a book about marriage.  People get ANGRY when I hold to a specific standard.

But what I do know is that I really wonder why people who do NOT darken the doors of church 363 days of the year are desperate to have their wedding done in a church?  Why is the church needed for a wedding but no other time?  Why is it that the bride must wear white on her wedding day when she has been living with a man for a time?  Why is it so important for a wedding to be performed by a pastor when the pastor is not good enough at any other time? Why is it that a bride and groom so desire to have the church’s stamp of approval when they wed but the church is not good enough to be involved in at any other time?  Why is it that the bride and groom believe in God right around their wedding but God is not important enough to serve at other times? Even demons believe in God and tremble!

I have had godly men tell me to do any wedding as long as the couple is willing to go through counseling.  I have had godly men tell me not to do weddings of couples who are living together. I have had godly men tell me not to do weddings between a believer and a nonbeliever.  I have had godly men tell me to do weddings of couples who are not involved in the church and then again I have had godly men tell me not to.  I have been told that weddings are opportunities for ministry and then I have been told they are not!

I am really struggling with this issue and have been for most of my years in ministry.  I wish there were black and white answers in Scripture to these questions but I do not see them.  I do know this, that what most people think of the church is really only a building.  The Church is those who are true believers in Jesus Christ and have a growing relationship with Him.  The church is not a building but is people.

I write this blog to get others perspective. Ultimately I pray for God to give me the conviction on these questions and reconfirm the convictions I already have.  If you have thoughts on this pass them onto me so I can pray in an more effective manner.

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Living Modestly In An Immodest World – Part III

Over the last two blogs I have directed most of my comments toward mothers and the young ladies.   However, I believe that the greater responsibility lies somewhere else besides solely at the feet of the females around us!  I believe that the men and boys of our society need to endure a greater responsibility of where we are than the young girls.   We have been directed to the norm being immodesty because for so long men and young boys have demanded such. I have three young boys so I have a great knowledge about this subject from this point of view.  I would to a certain extent say I am an authority on this side of the issue!

We live in time where men and young boys expect women and young girls to dress immodestly.  It is almost like we “the male persuasion” has forced the female persuasion to dress immodestly.  I know this is an over simplification of the issue but the male gender has expected in many ways for females to become more and more provocative in their dress and their actions.  No longer do men who have sons stand up and teach them how to be men.  No longer is it the norm for “dads” to be “fathers” in order to really invest in their sons lives to teach them what it means to be a productive member of society, let alone a man who has a heart for God!  In way too many instances fathers/dads have settled to allow someone else to teach their young boys how to become men.  The result is far too often soft, lazy, horny boys who grow up to be the same in “manhood”.

I try not to put lists out but I believe there are several things that we need to be teaching our young boys about modesty.  Some of these are straight out of the Bible and some are just things I have learned in life:

  1. Teach Them To Love God and Serve Him Only – Matthew 22:37-38.  I believe that if we would teach our boys at an early age how to really love the Lord with all of their heart then the rest of these things would fall into place pretty easily.  I believe teaching them to love God goes deeper than just teaching them the word of God (See #3) and it starts with fathers!  Look for teachable moments in your kids lives.
  2. Teach Them To Love Others – Matthew 22:39-40.  We need to be teaching our boys that how we treat others, especially girls/young ladies, shows our love for them.  This is NOT a physical, sexual love but is a brotherly/sisterly love.  If I love my “sister” (as a sister in Christ) then I will not gawk at her when and if she dresses immodestly.  I believe there are many great reasons that girls should dress modestly but one of the main reasons is because it can cause their brothers to stumble.  However, just because a girl dresses immodestly does not give me (boys) the right to stumble!  As fathers we need to teach our young men not to take the second look but to turn away and run(See #4)!  This is love!
  3. Teach Them The Commands of The Lord! Scripture is very clear that as fathers it is our responsibility  to teach our boys (children) the commands of the Lord. (See Deuteronomy 6:1-12).  Often times we leave the responsibility of teaching our kids the commands of the Lord to our wives.  However, this is not biblical; it is the man’s responsibility to teach.   I know it is difficult to do this but all great things are difficult to start!

  4. Teach Them Not To Lust!  The Bible says in Matthew 5:27, “but I say to you whoever looks at a woman with lust for her has already committed adultery with her in his heart.”  I remember growing up and my father teaching proper reactions and actions toward the female gender.  It started not through his words but through his actions toward my mother.  My father has never been much of a talker – a teacher through words. I believe we have done more talking in the last ten to fifteen years than we did the first 20 to 25 years of my life. While my father was not a huge conversationalist he has taught me a lot through his actions.  I NEVER ever remember a time where my dad acted or spoke inappropriately toward to my mom or another woman.  I remember times when we went to the beach or to a swimming pool when there was a woman in a bikini (a modest one by today’s standard) and my dad would become embarrassed and move us away from the situation.   Today though dads no longer teach their children (boys or girls) that “lust” is a sin.  Unfortunately as fathers we often teach our boys/young men that lust is just a natural reaction and that it is fine to do. BUT the Bible, God’s standard says differently.
  5. Teach Them That Girls Are To Be Treated Delicate Butterflies (Like Ladies)! Before I continue on let me say this, I AM NOT A PERFECT TEACHER IN THIS WITH MY BOYS – I HAVE FAILED MANY TIMES TO TAKE THE TEACHABLE OPPORTUNITIES WITH MY BOYS!  However, ask my boys what my motto is in regards to girls. They would say, “Girls are delicate butterflies”.   I have tried hard to teach my boys from birth that we need to treat girls with respect, love and gentleness.  I have tried hard to teach them that girls are not some piece of meat to be lusted after (See #4) but that girls are to be treated with the highest regard and dignity. Have my boys always acted appropriately toward girls? NO! Have they always been the most gentle or kind toward the young ladies around them? NOPE!  But they are still learning and I am still teaching.  Fathers and mothers do not forget to teach your daughters that they are indeed to have a feminine side to them. I am not one who believes that girls should be stuck inside doing only “girl” things, but I am one who believes that girls need to act like girls.  In speaking about hair, the Bible tells us that there needs to be a distinction between men and women. I believe that overall girls need to act like and look like girls and boys need to act like and look like boys.
  6. Teach Them What A Godly Woman Looks Like!  Fathers I believe that we need to stop teaching our kids that looks are what makes a woman a good one to go after.  I have often heard a dad of a teen boy speak to and of their teen boys and the father has said that they encourage their son to pursue a girl because she is attractive or because they get along.  I do not want my boys to pursue a girl because she is pretty only but because she is a girl who loves God!  I thank God that I am able to daily point my boys to my wife as an example of what a Godly woman looks like.  I pray every day for my boys.  I have several standard elements that I pray for my boys.  One of these is that they would marry a woman who loves God, wants to serve God all the days of her life, and that she loves my son.  I am not saying that you should not be attracted to your spouse but physical beauty should not be the primary reason you marry someone!
  7. Teach Them What It Means To Be A Man!  Manhood is no longer a cherished goal for our boys.  One of the worst outcomes of the push for equal rights between men and women is that men have been reduced to a bunch of wimpy, stupid, lazy people.  Just look at many of our television shows (Everybody Love’s Ray!).  No longer do we teach our boys how to be warriors but we teach our boys how to play video games, watch movies, etc…  There is nothing wrong with each of these things in and of themselves.   But a warrior is not what we teach our boys to be.  No longer do we teach them responsibility, how to work, or how to pursue the best for their lives.  We no longer expect our kids to have chores or to help around the house.  Fathers we allow them to be lazy.  I have met MANY young people who expect things to be handed to them and they no longer have to work for it. Our boys dress like hoodlums, walking around with their baseball caps turned to the side, pants down to their knees, underwear showing, etc…  This is not manhood but is gangster-hood.  Fathers let us teach our boys what it means to be men.

There is much more I could write on this subject but I have already gone long. My point in these last three blogs is that modesty is must for females and males alike.  Girls should dress modest and guys should expect girls to dress modestly – do not expect or encourage immodesty by your actions.  May the church not look like, act like, talk like the world around us.  Might the church be different!

Be a living sacrifice for God!  Have a wonderful week.

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Living Modestly In An Immodest World – Part II

I wrote last week about the standard of dress that we are seeing in our culture.  This morning I hear on the news that there is a court case before the Supreme Court challenging the FCC’s authority to regulate indecency on Television.  Quite honestly I am not shocked and really am not bothered by this as I am not clueless that this is where we are heading, not only in America but in culture worldwide.   Remember the words written in God’s word about the signs of the end times?  Well my brothers and sisters they are coming true!

In Titus 2:1-8 Paul gives this admonition:
“1 But as for you, speak the things which are fitting for (A)sound doctrine. 2 (B)Older men are to be (C)temperate, dignified, sensible, (D)sound (E)in faith, in love, in [a]perseverance. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in their behavior, (F)not malicious gossips nor (G)enslaved to much wine, teaching what is good, 4 so that they may [b]encourage (TEACH) the young women to love their husbands, to love their children, 5 to be sensible, pure, (H)workers at home, kind, being (I)subject to their own husbands, (J)so that the word of God will not be dishonored. 6 Likewise urge (K)the young men to be [c]sensible; 7 in all things show yourself to be (L)an example of good deeds, with [d]purity in doctrine, dignified, 8 sound in speech which is beyond reproach, so (M)that the opponent will be put to shame, having nothing bad to say about us.”

After my last blog I was sent an excellent post on another blog that I encourage you to read through.  Here is the link for this: http://www.rural-revolution.com/2012/01/death-of-pretty.html.    Here is an excerpt from that blog:
I don’t know how it happened, but feminism has been changed from its original lofty intent (equality for women) into something dark and sinister. The old argument feminists used was that women should be valued for their brains, not their bodies. Okay, fine, that’s not such a bad goal. Our culture has embraced feminism with an almost rabid devotion – and what has happened as a result? Young women are dressing more abysmally than ever before, advertising their bodies and (presumably) hiding their brains.

We no longer value the idea of femininity, being pretty and the use of one’s brain.  We have taught our young ladies that it is their bodies which will get them ahead and presumably this unfortunately is true in many situations in our culture.  We have taught our young ladies that if they will dress in just the right way (immodestly) that they will be able to get ahead in their job, school and social interactions of their choice.  We have taught our young ladies that their “self esteem” (I HATE THIS CONCEPT) is tied directly to how many people (men) “want” them and like them.  Whatever happened to teaching our young ladies that it is proper and fitting to cover their bodies, study hard, and follow God’s plan for their lives?   Our young ladies are more enamored by the fact that they need to find approval by how many young men like them and “want” them than they are with what God wants for their lives.

Many of you may not know this but I have a daughter.  She is only 10 years my junior but she is still MY daughter.  I remember just like it was yesterday the day Tammie, my wife, called me to tell me that we were going to have a guest in our home.  I was thinking it would be a temporary situation but that thought has long since evaporated into thin air.   It has been over ten years since our daughter came into our lives. She is no longer a little girl (even though she was 17 when she came to us) but now she is a grown woman who has three boys of her own.  I am glad in many ways that I got to experience my first and only daughter in this way.  I have become protective of her to the point that I was and am willing to die on her behalf. I have spent many a night pacing the floor as she was out past her curfew and never called us to let us know where she was.  I have spent many a day pleading with God on her behalf as I was not sure what path she would ultimately follow in life.  She has turned out to be a fine godly woman; but I still am concerned!   OK so much for the getting off track a bit with the memories.

Now back to my original point.    While I did not have to buy Jessi’s clothing and she actually did a decent job of being relatively modest on her own from what I recall, I know Tammie and I poured into her life while she lived in our home as one of our own.  We continue to try to do so.  Our situation was unique and strange; many people still do not understand our relationship to this day and that is OK.  However, we look at Jessi as our own daughter.  Tammie has poured into her life the truths of God’s Word on what it means to be a woman of God.  They have spent many of hours laughing, crying and talking over the reality of what a Godly woman looks like, how to be a good wife and how to have a godly home.

Me on the other hand, I have tried hard in her life to spend a lot of time teaching her what a Godly man really looks like and acts like. Many of days I have had to go back to her and say I am sorry for failing.  I remember in the early days it was really weird.  She was in all practicality a woman when she came to live with us. Quite honestly I had a hard time with this. On one hand I knew she needed the loving physical touch and guidance of a godly father but yet on the other hand she was a young lady who by the worlds standard was not my daughter. So hugging her was weird at times.  Tammie taught her what appropriate dress should be probably more so through how Tammie dressed. I tried to teach her how a young man should treat her not only through my words but through how I treated her physically.  Dads, I realized through this situation how awkward it was/is to raise a daughter who gained her value not through her provocative dress and sexual actions but through how she lived according to the standard God has set before us and using her natural gifts and talents as well as her spiritual gifts.  It was and is difficult to hug and love on my daughter and not make her feel uncomfortable. I honestly believe that every young girl (lady) is longing to be touched and hugged appropriately by their dads.  To this day, even though Jessi is married with three boys, I still hug and touch Jessi.  I believe she has come to understand that she is valuable not by dressing immodestly or by allowing “men” to touch her in ways that are not right.  I believe that she has come to understand that she is beautiful because of her modesty and who she is in God.

How did this happen?  Well, I believe it goes back to the passage at the beginning of this blog in Titus.  An “older woman” took the time to teach her, guide her, and pour into her life what it means to be a woman of God.  It is not how one dresses or looks on the outside but how one is on the inside that gives value and beauty to their lives.   “OLDER LADIES” what are you teaching the YOUNGER LADIES around you?  Is external beauty all that matters?  Some of the ugliest people I know are physically the prettiest!  Let’s teach our young ladies how to live modest, godly lives. I appreciate you moms and ladies who are doing so already.

Next time I am going to talk to the guys end of this modesty thing.  Hold on ladies I am going to speak to this as I am an expert on this one! (just kidding).

 

Have a great week in the Lord.

 

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Living Modestly In An Immodest World – Part 1

I Timothy 2:9 says, “Likewise, I want women to adorn themselves with proper clothing, modestly and discreetly, not with braided hair and gold or pearls or costly garments,”

We live in a world where modesty is abnormal and immodesty is normal.  It is difficult for a mother of a teenage girl to walk into ANY store and easily find clothing that is modest.  However, it is very easy to walk into a store and find clothing that is tight fitting, revealing and over the top immodest. Our young girls and woman alike find it difficult to find clothing that is modest. Even though it is difficult it is possible!

Today we see “moms” wanting to feel sexy and/or act like young teen girls and so they go out and buy clothing that is way too tight and way too revealing.  I have seen an increase in inappropriate dress over the years, even in church or maybe especially in church.   Quite honestly I expect girls and woman who have no relationship with Jesus Christ to dress inappropriately but now it is the norm for woman who claim to have a relationship with Jesus Christ to look like and dress like a fashion Diva with little modesty in their attire.

We need to be separate from the world.  I have sat in many of a church service disgusted with what I have seen woman and girls wearing to church.  Some days I wish we would be like the Islamic faith and require the wearing of garments that go from head to toe in one piece of cloth.  I know this would be legalistic but I believe it would be better than what we have to look at many times.

Ladies, moms, young ladies (teens) , I strongly encourage you to really consider what you wear not only to church but especially out in public. In his letter to Timothy, Paul is helping young Timothy to set some parameters for dress in worship. Timothy is a preacher leading a young church and Paul gives Timothy some advice on various topics; one of which is the dress of woman in the church.  How “Christians” ought to dress is not a new phenomenon but is one that has been a problem since the beginning of time.

Paul tells Timothy to ensure that the woman of his congregation dress appropriate for worship and that they are properly prepared to worship not only as individuals but corporately.  Too many Sundays my worship has been greatly hindered because I have had to deal with avoiding certain women who have dressed in a revealing manner. I thank God that overall we do not have A LOT of problems with this issue at Abundant Hope Baptist Church.   However, from time to time there are some who do push the envelope in this area and I believe that you need to be cautious as possible to be modest.

So how do you know if your clothing is modest or not? There are so many variations and thoughts on what is modest and what is not.   I hesitate to give any recommendations in this as I do not want to become legalistic but I feel compelled to do so in order to help us to adhere to the recommendation of the Apostle Paul in 1 Timothy.

So here are some guidelines to help determine if clothing is modest or not:

  1.  Is it tight fitting? If so, err on the side of caution and consider it immodest!
  2. Does it reveal your cleavage in any way, shape or form?   If so, then it is probably immodest!
  3. Does it reveal your bra strap? If so, then it is probably immodest!
  4. When you sit down can you see up your skirt?  If so, then it is probably immodest!
  5. Can you see your mid-rift?  If so, then it is probably immodest!
  6. Can you see the outline of your undergarments?  Then it is probably immodest!
  7. Does it cause your “brother” to stumble?  If so, then it is probably immodest! (brother’s you have responsibility here too but more an this in another blog!)
  8. If you still can’t differentiate if something is immodest or not ask!  If you do not know who to ask come to me and I will tell you some people who are good judges of immodesty and modesty!
  9. If you bend over and can see down your shirt or you can see something you shouldn’t then it is probably immodest!

I know that putting out a list can potentially cause one (possibly me) to become legalistic but somewhere we must draw the line.  The less skin revealed the better off.  Remember ladies (Mom’s and Teens) that most men are aroused by sight!  The more skin you reveal the greater the potential your Christian brother has to fall in regards to lust!  The tighter the clothing the more your brother in Christ will be tempted to sin.  It is YOUR responsibility to protect your brothers. I will speak more on this next time.

In verse 10 of I Timothy 2 Paul continues with this admonition to woman, “but rather by means of good works, as is proper for women making a claim of godliness.” 

I believe that women often times dress immodestly and revealing because they are indeed looking for the attention of the opposite sex.  But Paul encourages women to go after godliness not sex appeal.  Wives, there is only one person you should be trying to be sexy for and that is your husband.

Teen girls, there is only one person your should be trying to be sexy for and that is your future husband, so wait for you wedding night!   If a guy goes after you when you are dating because of what you are wearing or how you look then stay away from him – he only has one thing on his mind.   If you dress like a prude (worldly term) and a  guy still pursues you then his motivation is probably half decent!

I know this topic may be hard for some people to consider and truly evaluate.  However, in the end times I believe this will become more and more of a difficult issue to deal with.  Moms, it is your responsibility to help your turn girls to dress appropriately.  Dads it is your responsibility to help your teen girl know what the boundaries are for a right relationship.  I have found over 15 years of ministry that teen girls dress immodestly because they want to receive attention that they are not getting from their dads.  Dads it is OK to appropriately touch your daughter and to discuss her attire with her. It is OK to set parameters for what she should wear and what she should not.  If you don’t teach her there are plenty of boys out there that will!

Until next time… Have a great week. I pray this discussion spurns you onto a deeper relationship with Jesus Christ.

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Make Your Election and Calling Sure!

In 2 Peter 1:3 says, “His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His won glory and excellence.”

I gain so much strength and hope in the fact that God has given me everything I need to succeed in life but also to become a godly person.   God has provided me with all the tools I need to become all that I was created to be -  a man who love’s God, serve’s God, and glorifies God in all that I do.  The tools are available but not every tool do I use on a regular basis.

I have heard it explained like this.  We all have a tool box.  As we grow we realize there are  tools in the tool box but it takes time to realize how to use the tools for successful godly living.  In a real tool box I might have a hammer, a screwdriver, a wrench, a socket set and a host of other tools.  At first I do not know what tool to use for what application.  I would not use a hammer to turn a screw. I would not use a screwdriver to tighten a nut and bolt.  I would not use an adjustable wrench to put a nail in.  I need to be taught AND learn how to use the tools that are available to me.

Just like a real tool box I have to learn how to use the tools that God has given to me so that I can be a successful Christian.  I have to remember that I have all the tools available to me but I just have to learn how to use them and when to use them.   It is a lifelong process.  Too many times though I blame God, saying that He has not given me all the tools that I need but in reality He has.  I just don’t use the right tool for the right time.

Latter on in 2 Peter 1:10 it says, “Therefore, brothers, be all the more diligent to make your calling and election sure, for if you practice these qualities you will never fall.”

Make my calling and election sure?  So I have to prove that to others and to God my salvation? What qualities must I practice in order to make my calling and election sure?  These qualities include: faith, virtue (moral excellence), knowledge, self-control, steadfastness, godliness, brotherly affection, and love to start (see verses 5-8).

I do not believe that it is just a matter or practicing these things but if you notice in verse 8 it says, “if these qualities are yours and are increasing“.  In other words making my election and calling sure is done as I am increasing in these listed qualities, day by day and month by month and year by year.  I am making my election sure as I increase in each of these qualities and thus show the world that I am indeed a changed creature.

Are you increasing in the qualities that prove your salvation? Are you increasing in the qualities that help you make your election and calling sure?  Are you growing in your relationship with Jesus Christ?  Are you becoming more like Jesus Christ? OR are you no more mature spiritually today than you were a year ago? OR are you at the same spot you were when you got saved?  OR are you still looking like the world and not like Jesus?

I have such a long way to go!  May God give me the wisdom to become a “man after God’s own heart.”  Have a great rest of the week!

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What To Do When Two People Aren’t Getting Along

I came across this blog written by a good friend of mine, Dr. John Kimball.  Pastor Kimball has given me permission to use this blog.  I have copied it for you to read and hopefully grow from it.

http://inklingsandinsights.blogspot.com/2011/12/conflict-philippians-42-3.html

Monday, December 26, 2011

Conflict – Philippians 4:2-3

“I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord.  Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life”  – Paul (Philippians 4:2-3).

Conflict.  It’s inescapable.  I cannot tell you how many times I have heard some well-meaning Church leader say something like, “If we could just get past this conflict, we could get on with the Lord’s business!”  Sounds great, but there is just one problem: the conflict IS the Lord’s business!

I could build a biblical theology of Church conflict (check out Matthew 18:15-17 and 2 Corinthians 5), but that is not my purpose here.  Instead, I want to focus on Paul’s request to come alongside two who have worked hard in ministry with him, who are now in conflict with each other.  When two folks are in open conflict, they need loving, objective help from outside of the conflict to find a Christ-honoring resolution.

Let’s face it, people simply don’t like conflict.  I fully understand. When it comes to dealing with conflict, my own natural tendency is to be an “escape artist.”  I run from it.  I avoid it.  I sweep it under the proverbial rug.  I prefer the comfort of my denial to the challenge of helping folks work out their differences.  But I also have a lot of experience (now) with Christian conciliation work and have seen the Holy Spirit do absolutely miraculous things in fostering forgiveness and restoration between folks (usually between Christians, but not always).  Please understand, regardless of our natural tendency when it comes to conflict, the Lord calls each of us to be our brother’s (or sister’s) keeper on this count!

Paul does two things in today’s passage.  First he speaks directly to the parties engaged in the conflict.

“I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord…” (Philippians 4:2).

When our Christian brethren are at odds, it is ultimately injurious to the whole body.  We cannot allow open conflict to remain.  So the first step for the Christian community (whether congregation, colleagues, family or among friends) is to speak directly to those involved in the conflict and encourage them to take the Biblical steps necessary for forgiveness, reconciliation and healing.  We never assume that they will just work it out on their own.  All discipleship is life-on-life living — American independence and privacy always run counter to such steps and are one of the chief reasons church conflict is epidemic among congregations in the US today. If we truly love one another — if we truly purpose to bear one another’s burdens as commanded in Scripture — then we must hold one another accountable when it comes to forgiveness and reconciliation.

The second thing Paul does in this letter follows the first — he encourages a trusted fellow worker to assist in the process.

“Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow, help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel…” (Philippians 4:3).

Paul is not present, or he would address this himself.  So here he enlists someone who knows, loves and has worked with Euodia and Syntyche to step in and help them resolve this issue. This helper is not named in the letter by Paul, but that doesn’t matter.  The fact remains that he is called to assist.

How many times have you been in a serious conflict with someone?  How often have you or someone you know just let the conflict go, hoping it would resolve itself, only to find that it resurfaces again later (and usually it is uglier than it was at first)?  What a wonderful act of love it is when someone enters into our lives to walk with us through challenges — helping us sort through conflict in a way that uncovers truth, fosters real forgiveness and ultimately makes the community of faith stronger!

The primary problem we face as a Christian community is not conflict, but our lack of knowledge, process and resolve to confront it.  Most Christians today have little or no idea how to help their friends and neighbors successfully address conflict.  We need to make this training front and center in today’s church!  Only then can we effectively follow through on the challenge of this passage.

How equipped are you to help others resolve a conflict?  For my part, I’m active in doing this for congregations in my ministry, but need to do more in helping the individuals in my own life. What is the Holy Spirit saying to you, loyal yokefellow?

Posted by John Kimball at 11:13 AM

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What’s Next?

In the news recently we have seen some pretty shocking stories.  A mother shoots her two children and then kills herself after being denied food stamps.  The FDA is considering whether or not to allow girls under 17 to have access to “Plan B” contraceptives (in other words the morning after pill) with out a prescription.   President Obama is going to try to expand gay rights worldwide through  using aid as leverage.

It seems like there is an ever growing attack on things that are really important to God. Look at the attack on the family today.   Over the last ten years we have seen and heard more about moms who have killed their children for various reasons.   Some days I wonder if it is occurring more or if due to technology we are just hearing more and more about it. Not sure.  Regardless though I have become more aware of the fact that more and more mothers (and even fathers) are for one reason or another taking the lives of their children and in many of these cases their own lives.

We have also seen that parents rights are going down the drain in leaps and bounds.   Young girls do not necessarily need their parents permission to go to the doctors in order to get shots, prescriptions and over all medical treatment.    I have heard over the last year of at least TWO cases of people I actually know who have had doctors tell them that they were not allowed to discuss the medical care of their own children.  This strikes a nerve in me on many levels but one is since I have to pay for these medical bills for my children.

We have seen an increase in the gay agenda over the last ten years as well. I am oppossed to civil unions, gay marriages, etc… I believe that they are un- biblical and un godly. I believe that homosexuality is an abomination to the Lord.    I am also apposed to the hatred that many so called Christians show to homosexuals – like their sin is any worse than gluttony, smoking, drinking, adultery, lying, course joking, unwholesome speech, gossip, bitterness etc…  All sin separates us from the Lord!

I heard in the news receantly about the need for schools to teach about the historical contributions of LGBT persons.  Here is an article I found on the subjecthttp://www.lifesitenews.com/news/california-passes-bill-mandating-pro-gay-teaching-in-schools-no-parent-opt/.   If you take the time to read the story, it states that parents can’t even opt their children out of the program.

I read a story today about Lowes pulling some advertising from a new show dealing with American Muslims.   Lowes originally advertised during this show but latter pulled the advertising after they received complaints from the Florida Family association.  What is interesting is that one of those families in the show called those who appose the show and the advertising as bigots.  Here is the article: Backlash for Lowe’s as ads pulled from Muslim show By CHRISTOPHER WEBER Associated Press The Associated Press  Monday, December 12, 2011 6:50 AM EST

What I am seeing though overall  is an attack on the family and Christianity in particular.  It is a battle that is going to get worse not better.  It is an attack that is going to get more intense, even here where I live – in Gates County, NC.    I am afraid that many parents, even those who call themselves Christians, will fall prey to these teachings.  It is not about homosexuality only. It is not about Muslims only.  It is not about what doctors do or don’t tell me. It is about my responsibility to raise my kids.   It is about my responsibility to teach my children what God says is right or wrong.  It is about me teaching my children what the word of God actually says about SIN – ALL SIN, not just homosexuality. It is about me teaching my kids what God says about different religions.  Not all religions lead to heaven.  Only a relationship with Jesus Christ will get one into heaven.

Parents it is high time we step up and fulfill the responsibility to raise our kids and to teach them what the word of God really says.  Stop depending on other institutions and people to teach your kids. Stop getting upset because you are too lazy to teach your kids how to be productive, growing, mature Christians or members of society.  Stop getting upset with the church when they can’t teach your kid in one or two hours a week what you wont or don’t in the other 166 hours in a week.

I wonder what attack will be next!  Be prepared – it’s coming.  The enemy wants to destroy the family.  The family was ordained by God way back in Genesis chapters one and two.  It is this very family where the enemy attacked back in Genesis chapter 3.  It is the family that the enemy goes after.  I am greatly concerned about where and how the enemy is going to attack the family next. What’s next?

We desperately need to have parents teach their kids about God and what HE says is right or wrong.   I realize that many parents feel inadequate to teach their kids what the Word of God says, but there are some wonderful resources with affordable prices that will help.  We have used many in our own family over the years.  If you need help just ask me – I would love to help you help your kids grow in their walk with Jesus Christ!

Now I am coming down off my soap box for another day! Have a wonderful week.

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True Faith Brings Change In Behavior!

I Corinthians 6:1-2 says, “What shall we say then?  Are we to continue in sin so that Grace may increase? May it never be! How shall we who died to sin, still live in it?”.   Verses 17 – 18 continues on with, “But thanks be to God that though you were slaves of sin, you became obedient from the heart to that form of teaching to which you were committed, and having been freed from sin, you became slaves of righteousness.”

Oh that I would be a slave to righteousness, day by day, moment by moment, year by year, month by month.  Oh that I would be obedient to the word of God in every aspect. Oh  that my faith would CONSTANTLY change my behavior. Too often though I feel like Paul – I do the things I do not want to do  and do not want to do things I want to do.  I give into the flesh way too often.

In his book, “The Root of Righteousness”, A. W. Tozer say, “Millions of professed believers talk as if He were real and act as if He were real and act as if He were not. And always our actual position is to be discovered by the way we act, not by the way we talk.”  Does our speech line up with our behavior.

In speaking with those who would classify themselves as unchurched or unsaved their biggest complaint is that those in the church are a bunch of “hypocrites”. In other words our faith does not produce a change in behavior. Another way to say it is that we do not practice what we preach.  One more way to analyze it is, what we say is does not line up with what we do!

Is your faith bringing about a change in your behavior. Probably a good test of the depth of the impact of Jesus Christ and His word on your life.

 

( I know I talk A LOT about behavior but so does the Word of God!)

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Theology Vs. Practice!

I just finished a book called “Root Of Righteousness: Tapping the Bedrock of True Spirituality” by A.W. Tozer. It was published in 1955 and then again in 2006.  I thoroughly enjoyed this book, not because it made me feel good about my righteousness but it caused me to really evaluate many of the things that I have been taught as well as it has continued to cause me to look at the great struggle between the reality of God’s word and the church today.  Before I continue, let me remind you that the church, no matter how good or bad is still the Bride of Christ.  The Church belongs to Him in all of her glory and in all of her failures.  I am part of that Church.  God is not finished with me yet and so I realize that I have long way to go until I 100% reflect the character of Christ.

 With that said, I want to quote to you out of chapter 14 called the “The Great Disparity”.  On page 78 it Tozer says this,
There is an evil which I have seen under the sun and which in its effect upon the Christian religion may be more destructive than communism, Romanism, and liberalism combined.  It is the glaring disparity between theology and practice among professing Christians.”

On Page 79 Tozer goes on to say,
The average church simply does not dare check its practices against biblical precepts. It tolerates things that are diametrically opposed to the will of God, and if the matter is pointed out to its leaders they will defend its un-scriptural practices with smooth casuistry equal to the verbal dodging of the Roman moralists.”

I often wonder if I and the church that I lead are more concerned with “feeling right but are not willing to endure the inconvenience of being right.” (Tozer, page 80).    So often I hear people say and I catch myself say, “I feel….”.   While that is all well and good many times those feelings are diametrically opposed to the theology (teaching) of God’s Holy Word.

When confronted with the truth found in God’s word it should actually make you feel bad.  I know there are some wonderful promises found in God’s word and these promises give me hope. However, the word of God was given to us to show how we in our humanity and in our spirit do not measure up to the standard of God.  The word of God was given to us so that we might know God and then to serve as the path of becoming more like God (Psalm 119:105).  The word of God should bring about a change in our lives not just in our words but in our deeds.  The word of God should reveal the sinfulness, the ugliness, the unholiness, the unrighteousness in our lives. After the Word of God has revealed all the things that separate us from the Lord then there needs to be a change in our lives.

Too many Christians profess their Christianity with their mouths but their deeds say other wise.   Jesus said in Revelation 3:1, “… I know your deeds, that you have a name that you are alive, but you are dead.”  We can not habitually ignore the commandments of Christ and live after own private notions of Christianity and yet call ourselves a Christian.   Oh that my theology and how I live my life would 100% match up.   Far too often I am like Paul when he said he did the things that he did not want to do and did not do the things that he wanted to.

I pray that our theology (what we say we believe) will line up with the practice of how we live our lives.  I want strangers to say that the religion we practice on Sunday mornings between 9 and 11 am matches with what they see the rest of the week.

Have a great week.

I HIGHLY recommend the book, “The Root of Righteousness: Tapping the Bedrock of True Spirituality” by A.W. Tozer. It is an easy read. It has 36 chapters but they are two to four pages each.  It provides a lot of practical thoughts.

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